finding the unknown

[The Gulag Orkestar Beirut]

I have a lot to say, but no way of saying it. I'm done being tired. I need to conquer something to make me feel better. NCAR worked for about a week, but I'm back to square one. Maybe I should make a resume and send it out and get a job so that I have one less thing to bitch about. I bitch about it a lot, too. How much do you want to bet that when I finally get that job, I'll bitch about it just as much.

Or maybe I just need Ally to come back home to make me feel better.

I feel like I'm in a little blog community that has arisen due to my association with Wine Club. I don't really read anybody's blog outside of that community, and likewise I'm pretty sure my only readers are those same friends (thanks Google Analytics). I wonder if it's just because I know these people that I'm so invested in what they have to say everyday.

I want to eavesdrop on someone else's community; become just as engrossed in their posts as I am with my friends'. There have got to be some good blogs out there somewhere (unlike my own. Let's be honest) that have stayed extremely hidden from the world (like my own. I only get ~10 hits/day.). I think that at one of the early Wine Club meetings (back when Mark actually hosted them rather than defaulting all meetings to Mr. Vice President's place), we talked about voyeurism...in regards to what, I don't remember (but many of them are photographers, so there's already a suggestion of it in their personalities). I feel like this could be a really satisfying form of it. We, the mighty bloggers of the internets, chose to make our thoughts and opinions public. There's a considerable amount of filtering we do to pick and chose which of these actually make it into our posts. So it's not like I'd be doing anything that these people aren't already soliciting and putting a lot of thought into just so that others will be entertained, or whatever other reason. In fact, I'd probably be doing exactly what they're hoping would happen. How great would it be to be a "blog of note"? Well, on second thought, that'd suck. Whenever you look at the vast amount of comments those blogs have gotten since they became "notable", many of them are just criticizing the blog. "Boring" is a popular comment. I'd rather remain obscure than be heavily criticized by holier-than-thou strangers.